Childhood friends, best friends, school friends, work friends, toxic friends, night-out friends, friends of friends, social network friends, casual friends, long distance friends,..
Friends are, in fact, an important support system, that motivate us, advice us, help us, keep us company, with whom we share experiences, trust and expect loyalty.
But, if we think concretely about friendship, we realize that it's a relationship based in exchange of favors.
- I go shopping with you today, tomorrow you will go with me to my doctor appointment.
- I help to fix your car, cause I know you would do the same for me.
-I lend you money, as you did the last time I needed.
Common values are key in friendships.
People need to relate, to feel comfortable with their friends' life styles and personal choices.
Their friends' behaviors and reputation reflects theirs, cause they are socially associated with them.
Friendship also requires availability: Time.
A friend that never have time for us, hardly will last.
Friends need to spend time together, to strengthen the bond. A friend that is always absence, you can't never count on.
The respect for the other boundaries and privacy:
- To accept when a friend says "No"
- To not control their life and ask explanations
- To not give unrequested advices
- To not impose opinions
- and others
The majority make their friends, unconsciously, considering all these points, but there are others that choose their friends intentionally. Also for the mentioned reasons, but mainly for utilitarian reasons, like: social status, money, popularity, professional opportunities, connections
It is not easy to spot them, as they are friendly, charming and manipulative, but there are some signs that will certainly help:
- You don't feel you can really trust them;
- You don't have fun together;
- You can't connect with them at a deep level;
- You don't really feel comfortable being yourself around them;
- You don't have common values
True friends are hard to find.
A person can just be a true friend if it's a good person. And the best qualities of a good person are caring, empathic and sincere.
Just because someone is friendly, doesn't mean it's your friend.